Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Friends. . .

OK, so I couldn't wait to post another chapter of "Wiki's Man Code". These are just too funny and so true! ! !

Conflict Resolution

In the event that two men disagree, the following conflict resolution methods are appropriate:

  • Arm wrestling
  • Thumb wrestling
  • First-person shooter or sports video games
  • Rock / paper / scissors
  • A "Who's more ripped" contest
  • Bareknuckle Boxing
  • Staring Contest

The Girl "Dibs" Guideline

If a man expresses interest in a woman to his friends, he has dibs, or exclusive rights to her. For a guy to call dibs, said woman must know his name and be in his league."in his league" is determined by agreement of three or more male witnesses. Dibs are automatically broken if the woman shoots him down or flirts with one of the said friends. Dibs expire after a period of two weeks and cannot be called on the same woman again.

Relationship Rules

  • No man is allowed to make fun of or negatively coment on any other man's hookup, girlfriend, FwB, ect., unless he has previously been involved in some sort of relationship with her, thus insulting himself in the process
  • A man is allowed to date a friend's sister IF and ONLY IF she is older than your friend, and is rated a 7 (on a scale of 1-10) by at least 3 other friends
  • Men do NOT give relationship advice to other men unless requested. Venting about a woman does NOT imply a request for relationship advice.
  • If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you intend to marry her.
  • Do not be a c*ck block. Any attempts to foil another man's potential hook-up are completely unacceptable. Even if said man is your enemy or this blocking is done in the pursuit of humor, it is totally uncool. It is encouraged that the blocker is to be beaten severely and/or referred to as princess for respective periods of time.

Wingman

A man is obligated to provide wingman services to guys who are good friends. The wingman's mission is to help the friend get hooked-up. A wingman is not allowed to discuss the mission, especially if it was a failure. Discussing a secret mission may result in forfeit of future wingman reciprocation and demotion of friend status.

Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party or bar hopping, in doing so, surrenders any right to life, and lives further only at the mercy of other Men.

Female Friends

Men do not recognize female friends. There are male friends and potential dates; that's it.

The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty Is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

Honorary Manhood

A woman qualifes for honorary manhood if she displays 2 out of 3 of the following:

  • She is as compentant as the guys at burping and farting.
  • She consistantly beats the guys at any manly game.
  • She engages in man talk fluently and often.

Honorary manhood has the following implications:

  • All rights and responsibilities of the Man Code apply as if she were a man.
  • Men don't flirt with other men, not even honorary ones.

High Fives

If two men are to high five each other and their hands miss, it is not permissible to attempt another high five. That would be comparable to holding hands.

Foreign Facial Matter

If a man has something on his face, such as a hair, food, dirt, or beer foam, a man is not obligated to warn him about it. It is up to his discretion on whether or not to inform him of the foreign matter. UNDER ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS A MAN TO WIPE THE FOREIGN MATERIAL OFF THE OTHER MAN'S FACE. NO EXCEPTIONS

  • On a related law, a man is to try to wipe off foreign material off a womans breast no matter how small. Exception being semen.

Physique Comments

A man is to not comment on another mans physique of any kind, unless in the name of humor.

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