Wiki's Man Code. . . Work & Leisure. . .

Work & Leisure

Occupation
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General Occupation Guidelines

Hairstylist: Unacceptable
Barber: Acceptable
Secretary/Administrative Assistant: Unacceptable
HMFIC lieutenant: Acceptable
Any and all occupations requiring the use of hand/power tools: Acceptable, encouraged
Sheriff, Deputy or Cop: Acceptable, encouraged
Firefighter: Acceptable, encouraged
Military: Acceptable, encouraged (same rules apply to jobs within military)


Restrooms
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Eyes Forward

Eyes forward at the urinal, Susie. There's no reason to be looking around in the men's room. Get in, do your business, and get out.
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Eyes Up

When at a urinal, you never look down. Eyes must stay straight.

* You may meat gaze for only about 120 dreary, uncomfortable, awkward, seconds.
* If your urinal-mate has a child, it's fair game.
* No moaning if you have chugged less than two gallons in between bathroom visits.

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No Talking

period no talking at all... you just look forward, do the job, then wash hands and get out, no talking at all. An almost imperceptible “I recognize you” nod is all the conversation you need.
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One at a Time

Men do not go to the bathroom together. If nature calls two or more men in a group, only one may leave the group at a time. And, if two or more men need to go and they happen to be standing outside of a restroom, the others have to wait outside to adhere to the one at a time rule.
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Stall Buffer

See Urinal Buffer Rule
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Stand Up

A man shall urinate standing up unless also dropping logs. The ability to stand upright is what separates man from ape. To urinate in any other position is primitive. Flinging feces is also frowned upon.
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Urinal Buffer

A man should only occupy a urinal that is NOT immediately adjacent to another man (otherwise, you enter his "Splash Zone"). If there are no urinals available which meet this criteria, a line should be formed. There are two exceptions: (1) at a sporting event in a crowded bathroom, this rule is suspended and (2) if there is a privacy wall between said urinals which extends from the knees to the shoulders. Even with said wall, the buffer should be maintained if convenient.


Transportation
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Directions

No man shall ask for directions. This standard is derived from women's stereotype of men. Men are to live down to women's expectations. Besides, women don't ask for directions either.
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Skills

No man shall drive slowly in the fast lane. No man shall speed up when someone tries to pass. No man shall slow down after passing someone. Driving skills are inherent on the Y chromosome. Failure to demonstrate said skills will result in forfeit of manhood. Your new nickname will be princess.
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Shotgun

To claim front passenger seat, a man should announce "Shotgun." If you can't see the car, it is too early. If someone is already touching the door handle, it is too late. The driver has the right to override shotgun without an explantion.

There is no "farkel" rule, or any other challenge to shotgun. Once shotgun is called, you MUST respect the Shotty, unless said claimer is late, which turns him into a woman...and results in automatic forfeiture of the Shotty.

Full ride shotgun can only be called for predetermined trips that last longer than two days.
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Slug Bug

Slug Bug is a child's game; no man over the age of 18 shall participate.
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Acceptable Automobiles

The only acceptable cars are American. Any foreign cars (with the exception of Italian sportscars) are strictly forbidden. If one happens to own a foreign car, they are not to talk about it ever. Under absolutely no circumstances are they to brag about it in any way.

Foreign trucks are not acceptable. Period.

The only acceptable reason for buying a foreign car or truck is 1)It was dirt cheap 2)You are going to beat the living hell out of it.


Work & Leisure
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Diet

Men do not "diet". Men "get in shape". It is a semantics thing.
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Jobs

Men do not interfere with the possibility of a promotion for another employee, no matter what gender
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Work Relationships

You must obey all relationship rules when dating in the office

Wiki's Man Code. . . Hygiene and Entertainment. . .

Welcome back to another installment of Wiki's Man Code. . . Today we talk about Hygiene and Entertainment. I hope you enjoy. . .

Hygiene
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Hippy Hair

If a man has long hair, he shall also have facial hair. If a man is unable to grow facial hair, then he shall not have long hair. People should not have to wonder if a man is a guy or a chick.
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Mirror Time

A man shall not spend more than two minutes in front of a mirror unless he is shaving. Shaving is a manly pursuit.
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Facial Hair
If it's good enough for Chuck Norris, it's good enough for you. Facial hair is encourage



Entertainment
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Forbidden

The following forms of entertainment are forbidden for a man:

* There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
* chick flicks
* anything on Lifetime (with the possible exception of Frasier)
* anything involving Oprah and/or Martha Stewart

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Man-er-tainment

The following sports are allowed to be viewed in Party-Form and served with beer and snacks

* Hockey
* Baseball
* Football (includes "Arena Football")
* Basketball
* Any type of combat (UFC, Pride, Boxing, WWE, Bumfights, etc.)
* Rugby, simply because people have actually died playing it (includes murderball)
* Lacrosse
* Soccer (if one has foreign friends at said party or is in fact foreign. Exception to being foreing: rooting for ones home country in the world cup.)

OTHER

* NASCAR may be included if you reside in a state that was a member of the Confederacy in the Civil War or if you know all of the Jeff Foxworthy redneck jokes
* Canadian Football, or any other insults to the term "Football" are not allowed
* When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask The score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
* Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

Wiki's Man Code. . .

Good morning everyone. It's 10am and I'm getting a new garage door because my old one died. Who knew they died? I just assumed they live for ever. Which brings me to another question.What ever happened to everything living for ever? I don't ever remember replacing a garage door before? I remember the days where everything was fixable. Now you don't fix it, you just replace it. Is that crap or what? ? ?

Anyway, it's time for a new chapter in Wiki's Man Code! ! ! Enjoy and have a wonderful day! ! !

Outfits

Men do not wear outfits, Nancy. Men might wear "clothes that go together" but not "outfits". It's a semantics thing.

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Pink

Real men don't trust pink t-shirts that say "Real men wear pink." This is like trusting Garth Brooks that country music is good, JeffreyDahmer that humans are tasty, or Bill Gates that Windows is your friend. Men who wear pink have an agenda and are not to be trusted. The sole exception to this rule is a professional starched and pressed oxford or button down shirt worn with a tie, navy blazer and khaki slacks (never with a suit)for Christmas, Easter or a wedding.

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Yellow

Unless a true homosexual, a man does not wear yellow on Thursdays. The maximum amount of yellow a man can wear and not be called "homosexual" or "gay" is 33%. Anything over this threshold is gay. Days other thanThursedays are somewhat acceptable, but yellow is a gay color to begin with and should be avoided.

Exception:When showing support for a sporting event or team such as a football team baseball team or basketball team

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Underwear

A man shall be restricted to only three genres of underwear: briefs, boxers, or the combination of the aforementioned. The absence of underwear (a.k.a. "commando" or "freeballin'") is not acceptable unless severe situations necessitate it. Under no circumstance shall a man wear thongs or woman's underwear. Exception: Honorary Men

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Socks

No man shall wear toe socks. This cannot be communicated any more explicitly: MEN DO NOT WEAR TOE SOCKS. It's like wearing women's underwear.

A man shall be restricted to the following sock colors: white, black, tan/khaki and navy blue. All patterns are forbidden. A manly colored stripe or brand logo is permitted if participating in a manly sporting event.

Although commentary on fashion is not usually permitted, a man is required to mock a fellow man caught wearing white socks with black pants.

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Shoes

No man shall own more than five pairs of dress shoes. Exceptions may be made for specialized shoes for sports, outdoors, occupation, or other manly activities (AKAmantivities).

Friends. . .

OK, so I couldn't wait to post another chapter of "Wiki's Man Code". These are just too funny and so true! ! !

Conflict Resolution

In the event that two men disagree, the following conflict resolution methods are appropriate:

• Arm wrestling
• Thumb wrestling
• First-person shooter or sports video games
• Rock / paper / scissors
• A "Who's more ripped" contest
• Bareknuckle Boxing
• Staring Contest

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The Girl "Dibs" Guideline

If a man expresses interest in a woman to his friends, he has dibs, or exclusive rights to her. For a guy to call dibs, said woman must know his name and be in his league."in his league" is determined by agreement of three or more male witnesses. Dibs are automatically broken if the woman shoots him down or flirts with one of the said friends. Dibs expire after a period of two weeks and cannot be called on the same woman again.

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Relationship Rules

• No man is allowed to make fun of or negatively coment on any other man's hookup, girlfriend, FwB, ect., unless he has previously been involved in some sort of relationship with her, thus insulting himself in the process
• A man is allowed to date a friend's sister IF and ONLY IF she is older than your friend, and is rated a 7 (on a scale of 1-10) by at least 3 other friends
• Men do NOT give relationship advice to other men unless requested. Venting about a woman does NOT imply a request for relationship advice.
• If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you intend to marry her.
• Do not be a c*ck block. Any attempts to foil another man's potential hook-up are completely unacceptable. Even if said man is your enemy or this blocking is done in the pursuit of humor, it is totally uncool. It is encouraged that the blocker is to be beaten severely and/or referred to as princess for respective periods of time.

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Wingman

A man is obligated to provide wingman services to guys who are good friends. The wingman's mission is to help the friend get hooked-up. A wingman is not allowed to discuss the mission, especially if it was a failure. Discussing a secret mission may result in forfeit of future wingman reciprocation and demotion of friend status.

Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party or bar hopping, in doing so, surrenders any right to life, and lives further only at the mercy of other Men.

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Female Friends

Men do not recognize female friends. There are male friends and potential dates; that's it.

The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty Is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

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Honorary Manhood

A woman qualifes for honorary manhood if she displays 2 out of 3 of the following:

• She is as compentant as the guys at burping and farting.
• She consistantly beats the guys at any manly game.
• She engages in man talk fluently and often.

Honorary manhood has the following implications:

• All rights and responsibilities of the Man Code apply as if she were a man.
• Men don't flirt with other men, not even honorary ones.

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High Fives

If two men are to high five each other and their hands miss, it is not permissible to attempt another high five. That would be comparable to holding hands.

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Foreign Facial Matter

If a man has something on his face, such as a hair, food, dirt, or beer foam, a man is not obligated to warn him about it. It is up to his discretion on whether or not to inform him of the foreign matter. UNDER ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS A MAN TO WIPE THE FOREIGN MATERIAL OFF THE OTHER MAN'S FACE. NO EXCEPTIONS

• On a related law, a man is to try to wipe off foreign material off a womans breast no matter how small. Exception being semen.

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Physique Comments

A man is to not comment on another mans physique of any kind, unless in the name of humor.

Wiki's Man Code. . .

Wiki's Man Code. . .

So I hope that people know about his pretty kool site called Wikipedia. It's a public accessible encyclopedia that anyone can add there two cents too. Not all is claimed to be accurate, but a lot of it is funny to read. So anyway today a friend sent me a link from it and I got a pretty good laugh out if it. So I think for the next week I'm gonna post a part from it for everyone to see. I hope you enjoy and please make comments as you see fit.

MAN CODE

Men have certain expectations of other men. Some of these are spoken, but most remain unspoken. The goal of this wiki is to document these expectations in a specific and understandable way. This should eliminate confusion and facilitate communication among men.

Dating

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Taken So Leave It

If a woman is taken, no man who does not claim the title of "Her Man" may spend time alone with her. The title of "Her Man" may only be given by the aforementioned woman. If it is found that she has more than one "Man", all titles are null and void, and it is considered bad form to continue to spend time with her.

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Bros Before Hoes

No man may deny his friends, in order to spend time with any woman. This is by far the most important rule of the man laws and must be obeyed, unless:

• The woman is at least an 8 on the 1-10 scale
• He stands a high (at least 70%) chance of scoring
• Its that time of the month for said hoe

Also, No man shall get with a woman when that woman has screwed over the best friend.